my little blessing

The birth of my fourth child was highly anticipated. I could not wait to hold a new sweet baby in my arms. When I look back on my 30+ years the happiest moments in my life have always involved family. In particular the birth of all my children. The happiness that I feel when I first get to hold that infant is pure joy. It is peace. It is a miracle and I cling to that because in this dark world these moments are fleeting. I was trying to get pregnant for over a year. I didn't understand and continued to become increasingly frustrated. I finally decided to go to the doctor for "infertility" purposes only to discover I was pregnant a month later. The pregnancy was a smooth one, I gained 40 lbs and was freakishly large. But when my father died when I was 6-7 months pregnant I was slipping into a sadness where I was unable to see the sun behind the clouds. Being pregnant gave me the hope that I needed. I clung to the fact that I would soon have that peaceful, joyful feeling soon with a new birth. My father's death has been very sorrowful for me. Looking back now, I can see Heavenly Father's hand in my pregnancy and its timing. The only thing that has brought me comfort in the months following my father's death has been this new baby. I know the Lord knew me, and knew that I would need that purity, that miracle, to overcome my deep feeling of sorrow and hopelessness. I am so thankful for this baby, as I am for all my babies. Jane Roberta brings me comfort.