my open blog...

I have a lot of catching up to do

my soccer player

We signed Audrey up for soccer this year. It has been fun. I discovered at Audrey's first game, that I wanted her to be good, really good. I wanted her to dominate. She is 6. I needed to calm down. As I watched her at her first game, she was waving to everyone, she was fixing her hair, and tying her shirt. It is fun for her and that is great. She has gotten a lot better over these weeks. She's scored goals and learned some good basics. Her coach is wonderfully nice. She just doesn't have that edgy competitiveness, but that's okay. I can live with that...

my little blessing

The birth of my fourth child was highly anticipated. I could not wait to hold a new sweet baby in my arms. When I look back on my 30+ years the happiest moments in my life have always involved family. In particular the birth of all my children. The happiness that I feel when I first get to hold that infant is pure joy. It is peace. It is a miracle and I cling to that because in this dark world these moments are fleeting. I was trying to get pregnant for over a year. I didn't understand and continued to become increasingly frustrated. I finally decided to go to the doctor for "infertility" purposes only to discover I was pregnant a month later. The pregnancy was a smooth one, I gained 40 lbs and was freakishly large. But when my father died when I was 6-7 months pregnant I was slipping into a sadness where I was unable to see the sun behind the clouds. Being pregnant gave me the hope that I needed. I clung to the fact that I would soon have that peaceful, joyful feeling soon with a new birth. My father's death has been very sorrowful for me. Looking back now, I can see Heavenly Father's hand in my pregnancy and its timing. The only thing that has brought me comfort in the months following my father's death has been this new baby. I know the Lord knew me, and knew that I would need that purity, that miracle, to overcome my deep feeling of sorrow and hopelessness. I am so thankful for this baby, as I am for all my babies. Jane Roberta brings me comfort.

my funny faces

We are sooooooooo excited for Halloween:) I think it is funny how Sadie finds it difficult to get her teeth in. Her faces are so funny...

my baby's bath

Her disgusting remnants of the umbilical cord fell off in a shriveled purple/black raisin. (hallelujah); and we got to submerge her tiny little body in a warm bath. She is such a sweet 4th child. She is so easily contented and is a joy. I love that freshly bathed baby smell!!!

memory

Just remembered a fun memory of dad. Me and Amy went to go spy on Johnny...he was suppose to be at a party at someones house. We drove with dad in the convertible to a house, we thought was it, me and Amy got out and began to peer in the windows to see if we could see anything. it was a pretty tame party, and all we could see was "parent" type figures. so we went around to the back to see if we could see anything from the back windows....trespassing was not a problem...all of a sudden we hear the engine revving and the convertible lights flashing on us. the revving engine again, louder and louder. it was so loud and conspicuous, me and Amy finally got freaked out that we would be caught and ran up to the car and jumped in. we were freaking out at dad b/c he was so flippin loud. he was trying to revers the car out of the driveway, but he couldn't reverse/control it very well b/c their driveway was on a little bit of a slope. it was so loud and ridiculous i am surprised they did not call the police. it was so fun and funny. we just drove away, and it turned out that we did have the completely wrong house.

my biggest baby (yet)