Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
I don't know why I think I can just touch up my roots myself. 90% of the time when I buy my own hair color it turns into a disaster. When will I learn?? The words witch, goth, vampira, morticia, etc. come to mind when I look at myself. I have hidden my identity out of shear embarrassment. I went from blond with about 1/2 inch of medium brown roots, to blue black. After 5 washes (3 with baking soda) it is now black w/a hint of red. I cant believe how off the color was. I wanted a brown...I got suckered into the Chris Rock movie 'Hair' thinking, why am I always fighting to be blond? Then I saw a lot of pretty brunettes on Sunday. So I went and bought some medium (so I thought) brown to dissipate some of the blond and hide my growing roots. But the outcome of my good intentions was not as expected...of course...blackness. And I do not see the light. (literally)
My only hope is to continue to wash, and wash and wash and will one day see some semblance of brown again. I can hope. But for now, I am just glad that it is Halloween next week. I will fit right in...to the night. (I included this picture to demonstrate how my hair fades into the background, is it hair anymore? or has it become its own entity)
Monday, October 19, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
I have become obsessed with crochet this summer and I LOVE it. Thanks to Grandma Hazel who taught us the basic single crochet and chain stitch. I took it from there and really learned how to do a lot on my own. I need something to do all the time. I like to be busy while I watch TV at night, then I don't feel so bad that I am wasting time. I've made beenies, booties, embelished burp clothes, flowers...I especially love these cute little animals. I am still an amature, so I can see all my mistakes. The little owl is my favorite so far.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
We signed Audrey up for soccer this year. It has been fun. I discovered at Audrey's first game, that I wanted her to be good, really good. I wanted her to dominate. She is 6. I needed to calm down. As I watched her at her first game, she was waving to everyone, she was fixing her hair, and tying her shirt. It is fun for her and that is great. She has gotten a lot better over these weeks. She's scored goals and learned some good basics. Her coach is wonderfully nice. She just doesn't have that edgy competitiveness, but that's okay. I can live with that...
The birth of my fourth child was highly anticipated. I could not wait to hold a new sweet baby in my arms. When I look back on my 30+ years the happiest moments in my life have always involved family. In particular the birth of all my children. The happiness that I feel when I first get to hold that infant is pure joy. It is peace. It is a miracle and I cling to that because in this dark world these moments are fleeting. I was trying to get pregnant for over a year. I didn't understand and continued to become increasingly frustrated. I finally decided to go to the doctor for "infertility" purposes only to discover I was pregnant a month later. The pregnancy was a smooth one, I gained 40 lbs and was freakishly large. But when my father died when I was 6-7 months pregnant I was slipping into a sadness where I was unable to see the sun behind the clouds. Being pregnant gave me the hope that I needed. I clung to the fact that I would soon have that peaceful, joyful feeling soon with a new birth. My father's death has been very sorrowful for me. Looking back now, I can see Heavenly Father's hand in my pregnancy and its timing. The only thing that has brought me comfort in the months following my father's death has been this new baby. I know the Lord knew me, and knew that I would need that purity, that miracle, to overcome my deep feeling of sorrow and hopelessness. I am so thankful for this baby, as I am for all my babies. Jane Roberta brings me comfort.